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Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost.

Every person’s sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet someone who provides a life-changing chance for you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and see the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist focusing on addressing sexual disorders.