🔗 Share this article

I firmly hold the belief that it is always possible to evolve. I believe you absolutely are able to train a seasoned creature, on the condition that the old dog is willing and eager for knowledge. So long as the individual in question is ready to confess when it was wrong, and endeavor to transform into a more enlightened self.

OK yes, I am that seasoned creature. And the lesson I am attempting to master, although I am a creature of habit? It is an significant challenge, an issue I have struggled with, frequently, for my whole existence. My ongoing effort … to become less scared of those large arachnids. My regrets to all the other spiders that exist; I have to be grounded about my possible growth as a human. It also has to be the huntsman because it is imposing, dominant, and the one I see with the greatest frequency. This includes on three separate occasions in the last week. Inside my home. I'm not visible to you, but I’m shaking my head at the very thought as I type.

I doubt I’ll ever reach “enthusiast” status, but I've dedicated effort to at least attaining Normal about them.

I have been terrified of spiders dating back to my youth (unlike other children who adore them). Growing up, I had ample brothers around to ensure I never had to engage with any myself, but I still became hysterical if one was obviously in the general area as me. I have a strong memory of one morning when I was eight, my family still asleep, and attempting to manage a spider that had crawled on to the family room partition. I “dealt” with it by retreating to a remote corner, almost into the next room (for fear that it ran after me), and emptying half a bottle of insect spray toward it. It didn’t reach the spider, but it managed to annoy and annoy everyone in my house.

With the passage of time, whoever I was dating or sharing a home with was, as a matter of course, the least afraid of spiders in our pairing, and therefore in charge of handling the situation, while I emitted whimpers of distress and beat a hasty retreat. When finding myself alone, my method was simply to vacate the area, turn off the light and try to forget about its being before I had to enter again.

Not long ago, I was a guest at a friend’s house where there was a notably big huntsman who resided within the window frame, mostly just stationary. To be less fearful, I envisioned the spider as a 'girlie', a girlie, part of the group, just relaxing in the sun and listening to us gab. Admittedly, it appears rather silly, but it had an impact (somewhat). Alternatively, making a conscious choice to become less scared did the trick.

Regardless, I've endeavored to maintain this practice. I reflect upon all the rational arguments not to be scared. I am aware huntsman spiders are not dangerous to humans. I recognize they prey upon things like flies and mosquitoes (creatures I despise). It is well-established they are one of nature’s beautiful, harmless-to-humans creatures.

Alas, they do continue to walk like that. They move in the utterly horrifying and borderline immoral way conceivable. The vision of their many legs carrying them at that frightening pace causes my ancient psyche to go into high alert. They ostensibly only have the typical arachnid arrangement, but I maintain that triples when they move.

Yet it is no fault of their own that they have scary legs, and they have the same privilege to be where I am – possibly a greater claim. My experience has shown that implementing the strategy of making an effort to avoid instantly leap out of my body and run away when I see one, working to keep still and breathing, and consciously focusing about their good points, has proven somewhat effective.

Just because they are fuzzy entities that dart around with startling speed in a way that invades my dreams, does not justify they merit my intense dislike, or my shrieks of terror. I can admit when fear has clouded my judgment and fueled by irrational anxiety. I doubt I’ll ever make it to the “scooping one into plasticware and escorting it to the garden” level, but you never know. Some life is left within this seasoned learner yet.